Tag Archives: D.W. Hawkins

Important Announcement for the Conclave

Alright, everyone–there’s a bit of foolery incoming.  I’ve just gone through the tiresome process of migrating all you wonderful Conclave members over to a new service provider, and also upgrading the book delivery process.  What does that mean for you?  More security where your information is concerned, and top-notch customer support for the books that I send you.

Here’s the thing–the moving process is dirty, and it can leave a few people behind.  Information gets dropped between providers sometimes, and we all know the fickle nature of software.  Here’s how to make sure you end up on the list:

If you’re a current Conclave member, as in you subscribed before the date of this posting (September 26th, 2017) then you should be alright.  There’s an email incoming, just hang tight, click on the proper links in the email I send out to you, and you should be golden.  If you don’t receive an email by September 27th, 2017, then follow the instructions below.

NOTE:  The old list will be deleted (this is to protect your information) and if you don’t get an email, make sure you take action.  Otherwise, your email could be lost in the sauce.

If you subscribed either ON or AFTER September 26th, 2017, then here’s how to ensure that your subscription went through.

*First, head over to the Conclave Signup Page, re-enter your email, download your new copy of The Ballad of the Outrider, and all will be well.

Most importantly, if you feel you were unsubscribed from the Conclave by mistake, or through software demons, shoot me an email at authordwhawkins at laconic.press, let me know what happened, and I’ll add you manually.

Much love to you all, and I’ll talk to you soon.

Child of the Flames: Last Chance

Alright guys, the sale for Child of the Flames ends today, so if you haven’t downloaded your copy yet, go to it.  The world depends on you.  Pretty sure something awful will happen if you don’t.  Perhaps the beaches will be invaded by laser wielding alien frogmen…perhaps nothing.

Do you really want to find out?

BUY TODAY.  TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

Child of the Flames: ON SALE TODAY

Don’t forget, little monkeys, that Child of the Flames is on sale today though Friday for $0.99 (£0.99 in the UK).  Head over to Amazon and pick up your copy today, or share this with a friend so they can do it.  You wouldn’t keep this from a friend, would you?

How could you?

GET YOUR COPY NOW

US  |  UK

Updates, and a Big Load of Bore Snark

Just writing a quick update to let you guys know what’s going on. Work continues on The City under the Mountain, and the Conclave-exclusive serial, The Ballad of the Outrider, is also coming along. I’m still looking at a mid October release for City, but that is still a tentative date.

Also—I’m trying a new writing method. I’ve been hearing good things about dictation, so I picked up a program and decided to give it a try. There is a bit of a learning curve, but everything I’ve read says that it doubles your writing speed once the initial hurdle is out of the way. I’ve been doing it for the last two nights, and so far, it’s working pretty well.

In fact, I’m dictating this letter right now. It’s a little weird. In all honesty, though, I think this is going to seriously improve things. Once I get the hang of speaking all my punctuation, first drafts will flow like radiation from the sun.

The main reason I’m writing today is to let you all know of the sale I’ll be running starting Monday, September 18. Child of the Flames will be going on sale for $0.99 (£0.99 in the UK). It will remain at that price for the entire week and go back to $2.99 on Friday, September 22 (£1.99 in the UK). If you’ve yet to pull the trigger on The Seven Signs, or have friends who have been waiting to do so, next week would be prime time to get it done.

I know most of you have already read it, but you can help by heading over to Amazon and leaving it an honest review. If you haven’t already, that is. If you’ve done all that, then you can always share it with a friend. Nothing wrong with sharing, right? Right?

If you’re seeing this post on your social media, feel free to plant some hashtags on this bastard and let it sail. Send it to your grandma. After all, she’s always sending you those weird conspiracy posts about the flat Earth, and how the globalists want to control you with pop music.

Send it to Becky. She totally deserves it. She probably knows why, too.

As always, much love and respect. This thing makes you want to say all kinds of dumb shit. Playing with it is kind of fun. Tiddlywinks. But to lease breaks. Being KeyBank he bulky. Sheesh I’m in a period. Full fuck and stop. Be back in a month’s thinker Pinker piker pick a pack of pickled pepper Peter Packer. I ha ha ha Peter piper picked a pack of pickled peppers. BORE Snark!!! THE SHADOW MASTERS ARE WATCHING YOU

This dictation thing is so much fun. I’m leaving all that in there, too. Enjoy, and you’re welcome.

Spam Comments III: What Happens on a Boat in Jersey

It’s time for another episode of Spam Comments, also known as the day I put aside to muck out the stalls of my comments section.  It’s here that we dive deep into the nonsensical mutterings of Asian click farms, and say hello to the Russian hackers.  Also, in all likelihood, the NSA.

Let’s start things off with this mushroom-enhanced poster:

imitation bvlgari jewelry necklaces
vanbul.com
jqztskdj@gmail.com
113.66.40.162
i got a sky dragon by breeding tropical and elctric

Approve | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

Ooooooh, Sky Dragon, eh?  I can’t tell if that’s some new, smack-you-in-the-face strain of weed, or some kind of lizard.  What gets me about this comment is the lack of a shady link.  What are they trying to sell?  Sky lizards?  Mushrooms?  I love how the contact is “imitation bulgari necklaces.”  I think someone got their A.I. drunk.

Next, we have an amateur poet…

kem upsize nga
lamdep.tridaxen.com/moi-ngay-dung-kem-upsize-se-l…
stephanylysaght@t-online.de
107.183.39.134
What a information of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious familiarity
regarding unpredicted feelings.

Approve | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

I always try to infuse my posts with a certain preserveness of precious familiarity, thanks for finally noticing.  Regarding those unpredicted feelings, though–the best thing to do is follow your heart.  It is the most un-ambiguous part of your being.  You’re welcome.  Go now, brave flower, find a information your heart such desires.

This next one is not for those with delicate sensibilities…

cathykq60
wifes.galleries.erolove.in
earlinenq3@courtney.maggie.istanbul-imap.top
51.15.40.233
Daily porn blog updates
http://hotpic.erolove.in/?post-yuliana
jerssey boys boat trip hamster sex videos hot oral sex site de sex maroc free school web proxy

Approve | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

Those Jersey boys, and their crazy hamster sex boat trips.  There must be a reason those keywords found themselves together.  Maybe it’s something that happens; maybe I’m the one out of the loop, here.  Maybe there’s a whole black market for people who want their sex with hamsters on a boat in Jersey.  I just wonder, when the program that put this comment together was going out and grabbing random keywords, how it collected jersey boys, boat trip, and hamster sex.  Maybe it was just hamster and sex video.  It could have been hamster sex videos–the internet is a dark place.

Anyways, I hope everyone in the path of all those hurricanes is alright.  All for now, more to come.

Actually one more thing–I’ll be running a sale pretty soon for Child of the Flames, so if your friends have yet to take a chance on it, a good opportunity is coming.  Work continues on The City Under the Mountain, so keep your eyes open for more sales as October draws closer.

Much love, and JOIN THE CONCLAVE for some free stuff, like the new Ballad of the Outrider: Season One that I just released.  Just scroll to the bottom of the page and enter your email to get the serial directly in your inbox for FREE.

Come and get some.

Updates on The City Under the Mountain

So, having pushed out a bit of news on this subject weeks ago to my mailing list, I realized–somewhat belatedly–that I had yet to update everyone else.  This is why I need an assistant.

With brevity, City is going to be delayed.  I have someone very close to me who is very sick, and it has put a wrench in my planning.  I had hoped to get three books out before the end of the year, but now it’s looking like only two.  I wish things could be different, but some things in life are more important than work.  I know that’s not anything people want to hear, but life sometimes (always) gets in the way of our plans.  Every now and then you have to enjoy the time you have as much as you can, and this is one of those times.  I will not go into much detail, but the delays are necessary and inevitable.

I’m putting the release of The City Under the Mountain off until mid-October.  As of right now, that’s the earliest I see everything getting done.  With that being said, I have made some arrangements to try and complete it sooner.  I’ve hired some help around the house–most of you know I’m a single dad, which takes up a lot of time–and arranged my schedule in such a way as to give me ample time to complete the book before outside elements can have more of an effect than they already have.

I’m working on the final draft now, so hopefully these changes will be helpful.  We’ll see.

Also, if you’re a Conclave member who has subbed in the last few days, check your email for the first installment of The Ballad of the Outrider: Season One.  New subscribers should now have access to the serial in the final welcome email, so if you haven’t subscribed, it’s a good time to start.

Don’t worry.  I won’t tell your mom.

All for now.  More later.  Much love.

Ask Me Anything Tomorrow!

Hey all.  Just a quick note to let you all know–as I probably mentioned before–that I’ll be r/Fantasy’s Writer of the Day tomorrow over at Reddit.  You can come to the website, and submit a question to me about absolutely anything.  The books, the characters, the setting, the nature of the quantum vacuum…whatever you want.

If you don’t have a Reddit account, it’s easy.  No uploading pictures, no selecting preferences, just enter your email and you’re ready to post.  You’ll need an account to ask me a question, but Reddit is a pretty interesting place even without me, so you can thank me later.

Go HERE to register a Reddit account, if you don’t have one.

HERE is the site where I’ll be answering questions.  I’ll be sending out a link directly to the Q&A to all my social media, so just keep your eyes open for it.

I’ve carved out the day from 0800-1700 to talk with you guys, answer any questions, or just BS with one another.

So come down tomorrow and talk to me.

Spam Comments, Episode II: Revenge of the Cialis Superworms

Today I’ve got a pair of little gems at which you can all snicker.  Without too much introduction, let’s get right into it.  First up is a confused spammer who can’t decide whether he’s looking to buy some boner pills, or sell some boner pills.  Also, he seems confused on the appropriate place for this activity.

“cialis 20 mg can i buy tadalafil can i buy tadalafil

tadalafil over the counter

cialis online where to buy cialis cialis no prescription”

*edited to remove hyperlinks

I think what our friends needs is a little advertising consultation.  Let’s rewrite his ad and help him out.

“Tired of your member flopping around like a bag of water in a sock?

Never fear!  You can buy Cialis right here from shady overseas suppliers!  Is it really Cialis?  Is it powdered mouse bones in BPA capsules?  Who knows?!  Who cares?!  What you need right now is an erection so strong that it will make you pass out whenever you watch yoga videos on YouTube!

When the Romans sacked enemy cities, they didn’t bring a flaccid hose to bust down the gates.

NO!  THEY BROUGHT A BATTERING RAM!

And now you can, too.

So get your Cialis overseas today, because fuck you.

#YOLO”

I think that works a bit better.  Next, we’ve got something kind of weird.  Has anyone ever heard of “superworms”?  I hadn’t.  Apparently they’re the larval stage of some sort of beetle, and people feed them to their pets.  I got this random comment and was curious enough to watch the video.

“The best is How to Breed Superworms: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLNH92q0YWg

The only thing I have to say about this is…how strange.  I was waiting for something wild to pop up, maybe some attack worm bred by the Russians during the cold war to burrow under enemy fortifications and come up from the inside, eating everything in sight and spitting acid vomit over its enemies.  Instead, just some weird dirt-worms people breed to feed to their pets.  It was the most disappointing risky link I’ve ever followed.
My question  is this–why spam this link?  I mean, spam doesn’t just appear from the shadows of the internet the way we all think it does.  People pay shady internet marketers to push their products, so was this from some superworm supplier that’s looking to break into the big-time by advertising on wordpress sites?  Was it superworm lovers who know that the best, and healthiest, option for their pets is a mouthful of crunchy beetle larva?  Maybe they eat the worms themselves.  Maybe it’s some conspiracy by the trans-dimensional Illuminati demons.
Fuckin’ Illuminati.
Time to make some Blue Apron.  Talk at you guys soon.
~D.W.

The Knife in the Dark: UK Sale

 

 

 

 

Amazon has selected The Knife in the Dark for their Kindle Monthly Deal in June in the UK store.  It will be discounted to £0.99 through the first of July.  Most of you probably have it already, but if not, it’s a good time to pull the trigger.  One could get the first two books–Child of the Flames and The Knife in the Dark–for £0.99 apiece.

If you’ve got friends who might be interested, feel free to do a man a solid and share this post with them.  Sales are always a good time to start reading something new.  It will be a good lead-up to the release of The City Under the Mountain at the end of the summer.

So go ahead.  Bring your friends to the Dark Side.

The Old Man of the Temple–Now in Paperback

Hey all.  Just a quick note to let you guys and gals know that The Old Man of the Temple is finally available in paperback.  If you’re interested, head on over to Amazon and pick up your copy today.

US  |  UK

ML&R