Tag Archives: spam

Spam Comments III: What Happens on a Boat in Jersey

It’s time for another episode of Spam Comments, also known as the day I put aside to muck out the stalls of my comments section.  It’s here that we dive deep into the nonsensical mutterings of Asian click farms, and say hello to the Russian hackers.  Also, in all likelihood, the NSA.

Let’s start things off with this mushroom-enhanced poster:

imitation bvlgari jewelry necklaces
vanbul.com
jqztskdj@gmail.com
113.66.40.162
i got a sky dragon by breeding tropical and elctric

Approve | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

Ooooooh, Sky Dragon, eh?  I can’t tell if that’s some new, smack-you-in-the-face strain of weed, or some kind of lizard.  What gets me about this comment is the lack of a shady link.  What are they trying to sell?  Sky lizards?  Mushrooms?  I love how the contact is “imitation bulgari necklaces.”  I think someone got their A.I. drunk.

Next, we have an amateur poet…

kem upsize nga
lamdep.tridaxen.com/moi-ngay-dung-kem-upsize-se-l…
stephanylysaght@t-online.de
107.183.39.134
What a information of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious familiarity
regarding unpredicted feelings.

Approve | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

I always try to infuse my posts with a certain preserveness of precious familiarity, thanks for finally noticing.  Regarding those unpredicted feelings, though–the best thing to do is follow your heart.  It is the most un-ambiguous part of your being.  You’re welcome.  Go now, brave flower, find a information your heart such desires.

This next one is not for those with delicate sensibilities…

cathykq60
wifes.galleries.erolove.in
earlinenq3@courtney.maggie.istanbul-imap.top
51.15.40.233
Daily porn blog updates
http://hotpic.erolove.in/?post-yuliana
jerssey boys boat trip hamster sex videos hot oral sex site de sex maroc free school web proxy

Approve | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | Spam | Trash

Those Jersey boys, and their crazy hamster sex boat trips.  There must be a reason those keywords found themselves together.  Maybe it’s something that happens; maybe I’m the one out of the loop, here.  Maybe there’s a whole black market for people who want their sex with hamsters on a boat in Jersey.  I just wonder, when the program that put this comment together was going out and grabbing random keywords, how it collected jersey boys, boat trip, and hamster sex.  Maybe it was just hamster and sex video.  It could have been hamster sex videos–the internet is a dark place.

Anyways, I hope everyone in the path of all those hurricanes is alright.  All for now, more to come.

Actually one more thing–I’ll be running a sale pretty soon for Child of the Flames, so if your friends have yet to take a chance on it, a good opportunity is coming.  Work continues on The City Under the Mountain, so keep your eyes open for more sales as October draws closer.

Much love, and JOIN THE CONCLAVE for some free stuff, like the new Ballad of the Outrider: Season One that I just released.  Just scroll to the bottom of the page and enter your email to get the serial directly in your inbox for FREE.

Come and get some.

Spam Comments, Episode II: Revenge of the Cialis Superworms

Today I’ve got a pair of little gems at which you can all snicker.  Without too much introduction, let’s get right into it.  First up is a confused spammer who can’t decide whether he’s looking to buy some boner pills, or sell some boner pills.  Also, he seems confused on the appropriate place for this activity.

“cialis 20 mg can i buy tadalafil can i buy tadalafil

tadalafil over the counter

cialis online where to buy cialis cialis no prescription”

*edited to remove hyperlinks

I think what our friends needs is a little advertising consultation.  Let’s rewrite his ad and help him out.

“Tired of your member flopping around like a bag of water in a sock?

Never fear!  You can buy Cialis right here from shady overseas suppliers!  Is it really Cialis?  Is it powdered mouse bones in BPA capsules?  Who knows?!  Who cares?!  What you need right now is an erection so strong that it will make you pass out whenever you watch yoga videos on YouTube!

When the Romans sacked enemy cities, they didn’t bring a flaccid hose to bust down the gates.

NO!  THEY BROUGHT A BATTERING RAM!

And now you can, too.

So get your Cialis overseas today, because fuck you.

#YOLO”

I think that works a bit better.  Next, we’ve got something kind of weird.  Has anyone ever heard of “superworms”?  I hadn’t.  Apparently they’re the larval stage of some sort of beetle, and people feed them to their pets.  I got this random comment and was curious enough to watch the video.

“The best is How to Breed Superworms: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLNH92q0YWg

The only thing I have to say about this is…how strange.  I was waiting for something wild to pop up, maybe some attack worm bred by the Russians during the cold war to burrow under enemy fortifications and come up from the inside, eating everything in sight and spitting acid vomit over its enemies.  Instead, just some weird dirt-worms people breed to feed to their pets.  It was the most disappointing risky link I’ve ever followed.
My question  is this–why spam this link?  I mean, spam doesn’t just appear from the shadows of the internet the way we all think it does.  People pay shady internet marketers to push their products, so was this from some superworm supplier that’s looking to break into the big-time by advertising on wordpress sites?  Was it superworm lovers who know that the best, and healthiest, option for their pets is a mouthful of crunchy beetle larva?  Maybe they eat the worms themselves.  Maybe it’s some conspiracy by the trans-dimensional Illuminati demons.
Fuckin’ Illuminati.
Time to make some Blue Apron.  Talk at you guys soon.
~D.W.